Ninjas can be easily distracted by desserts

Ninja A: So Ninja D and I were having lunch today and she got a caesar salad with lobster on it. It looked good.
Ninja M: (listening to the server talk about ice cream behind her) Too bad you don't like ice cream.
Ninja A: Ninja, what?
Ninja M: Lobster. Damn.

It's true. Ninjas can not fart buckets.

Ninja A2: herro!
Ninja S: hey, watch it susy!
Ninja S: ^_^
Ninja A2: my sister is suzi, im Ninja A2
Ninja S: hahahahaha
Ninja S: well fine then, watch it nancy
Ninja A2: i AM nancy
Ninja A2: im nancy drew, schoolgirl detective
Ninja A2: so dont cross me
Ninja S: nancy drew is not a ninja.
Ninja S: I'm not scared
Ninja A2: yeah, but i am a ninnja
Ninja A2: ninja
Ninja A2: and
Ninja A2: i am nancy drew
Ninja A2: that is pretty scary
Ninja S: you can't be both
Ninja S: FAIL
Ninja A2: i can totally be both bumhead
Ninja S: no you can't neenerface
Ninja A2: i cant fartbuckets
Ninja A2: DAMN
Ninja A2: CAN
Ninja S: hahaha
Ninja A2: ok, that was a minor fail
Ninja S: Insult fail
Ninja A2: minor minor fail
Ninja A2: easily done
Ninja S: ninja please, you just lost

Ninjas don't prepare for hurricanes.

Ninja M: Did you vacuum the car? (referring to the glass on the seats from the broken windshield)
Ninja C: No, they'll do it when they repair the windshield.
Ninja M: You should have vacuumed up the glass! Now it's all in the seats!
Ninja C: It's fine, they can do it when they fix it, it's ok.
Ninja A: Ninja please, we have no power, how were you going to vacuum?
Ninja M: *stares*
Ninja C: Thanks Ninja A, I couldn't think because the power is out.

Ninjas don't have to be good at math. They're ninjas!

Ninja A: math fail
Ninja A: power went out at 4pm on sunday. today at 4pm will be 48 hours, tomorrow at 4pm will be 36
Ninja A: idiot
Ninja M: what
Ninja A: your fb status
Ninja M: yeah it's right
Ninja A: we haven't been 36 hours without power
Ninja M: 36 was at 4 this morning
Ninja A: LMAO
Ninja M: do the math
Ninja A: i have math fail
Ninja A: i'm thinking 36 hours is 3 days.
Ninja M: ninja, please. you have life fail

Not even ninjas are immune to Tourette's

Ninja A: someone has for real breakfast and i'm hungry
Ninja A: fail
Ninja A: i'm so fat
Ninja K: lmao
Ninja K: i didnt see the first.. all i saw was im so fat - out of no where
Ninja A: well i am
Ninja A: i forgot to grease myself up today too. double fail. now i'm all dry. and fat
Ninja K: but its amusing you said greased up
Ninja A: like a pig
Ninja A: because i'm fat
Ninja K: dudeeee stooooop
Ninja K: gunna hurst
Ninja K: burst*
Ninja A: ninja please, you make me pee my pants all the time
Ninja K: but you are not in accounting class
Ninja A: no. i am at work. even worse.
Ninja K: did you know O County is the most over medicated place in the us lol
Ninja A: shocking
Ninja K: your face is shocking
Ninja K: RAIN RAIN GO AWAY!

Even ninjas have bad days

Ninja A:so the post office almost ripped my pants off and nearly caused me to (pantsless) faceplant
Ninja M: LMAO what? how?
Ninja A:i was walking out the door and somehow the door caught my belt loop or something and i lurched forward and thankfully my jeans held. if they hadn't...pantless faceplant
Ninja M: hahahahahaha. that would have rocked!
Ninja A: NO
Ninja M: YES
Ninja A: your faceplant was funny. no pants plant would suck
Ninja M: ninja, please. a no pants plant totally trumps a face plant
Ninja A: trumps, yes. in the MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT EVER category
Ninja M: touche

Midgets. They'll getcha. Unless you're a ninja.

Ninja M: so i had a dream about you last night
Ninja A: um, do i want to know?
Ninja M: you came to pick me up at 7 to go on a trip with you. and you wouldn't tell me where. so i wasn't going to get into the car, but then gerard butler jumped out of your back seat and threw me into the trunk
Ninja A: LMAO
Ninja M: and we drove around singing crazy ass i hate men songs. shut up. it freaked me out. i'm so not getting into any cars with you soon
Ninja A: i can top that. i had a dream i was an assassin and i had to kill a midget
Ninja M: LMAO
Ninja A: so i drowned him in a hot tub. then i ended up at some military base and D and L were there and they helped me escape
Ninja M: ninja, please. that could never happen. you know all midgets are serial killers. they would out midget you.
Ninja A: perhaps. but i'm a ninja. and ninjas outsmart midgets on principle

Ninja Slaps are more effective...and sneaky

Ninja M: are you smiling yet
NInja A: yes
Ninja M: are you lying?
Ninja A: no, i'm not
Ninja M: k good. my pimp slap needs work. don't make me work your face
Ninja A: ninja, please

Is there a ninja in your email?

Ninja A2-omg - i seriously embarrassed myself while u were gone
Ninja M- what did you do!?
Ninja A2- So I was talking to this client and we need to take email addresses and his had ninja in it. and (I totally blame you for this) without thinking I went ‘I’m a ninja!’ He was like errr and I didn’t know what to say so was like ‘erm, I like ninjas. Anyway, your accounts?’
Ninja M- LMAO
Ninja A2- i didn't. it was awful
Ninja M- that's amazing!
Ninja A2- and then the whole conversation was stilted cos we were both clearly thinking what a twat i was
Ninja M- hahahahaha. you totally just made my quotes
Ninja A2- haha, oh the fame!
Ninja M- infamy!
Ninja A2- ninja please. i dont need infamy, i need a lobotomy

But they would never need ninja sweaters

Ninja S: So why were you and Ninja A talking about sasquatch?
Ninja M: Haha. The guy I'm going to the wedding with is very hairy, and the other night she told me I had to sleep with him in order to start breeding her an army. An army of sasquatch.
Ninja S: Hahaha! Hairy Harley. Your children would not make very good ninjas either. Ninjas aren't hairy!
Ninja M: Half ninja, half sasquatch. That would be amazing!
Ninja S: Ninja, please. They would be hilariously bad ninjas.

Ninjas or Ninjai?

Ninja M: Would the plural of sasquatch be sasquatches or is it like deer and it would just be the same, sasquatch.
Ninja A: Ninja please, it would totally be sasquatchai.

I don't wanna grow up, I'm a ninja kid

Ninja S: If I'm a ninja I have an excuse for wearing eyeliner! It's just like Chrisitan Bale in his Batman costume
Ninja M: yep. but you are also emo and that is reason enough
Ninja S: true, but ninjas are taken more seriously
Ninja M: they are
Ninja M: they do more butt kicking
Ninja S: oh yes
Ninja M: emo's just throw their razor blades at you
Ninja S: haha
Ninja M: which is kinda ninjaish on it's own
Ninja M: that how ninjas start
Ninja S: hahahahahaha
Ninja S so does that make me like a ninja that never grew up?
Ninja M: ninja please. that totally makes you a ninja that never grew up and now you are living the best of both worlds!

Ninjas don't like boats

Ninja A: Quit smoking.
Ninja N2: Quit failing
Ninja A: lol, touche
Ninja N2: huzzah!
Ninja A: <--- epic fail at life
Ninja A: <---- captain of the failboat
Ninja N2: I'm the admiral of the fleet though, so dont feel bad.
Ninja A: Wait, you're over me? I don't think so.
Ninja N2: psh. Always.
Ninja A: Ninja, please. I invented fail.

Ninja Grammar FAIL

Ninja A: LMAO OMG!! i got this in my email "where are you from my Lady? I am afraid you are not from this sinful world of ours......I came across your profile by chance and stumble and stick at your beautiful profile......I am Dave by name based in Dubai.......can I be opportuned to know you better than this my lady???? I will be glad if only I can read from you..........then My soul shall be go down with me in peace. \ Dave"
Ninja M: OMG LMAO
Ninja A: ninja, please.

Ninjas are allergic to cubicles

Ninja T: what do you think the most dramatic way to injure yourself at the office is?
Ninja M: lol ummm
Ninja T: drinking printer ink? acting like it is the blood of the savior acting as if you are a window washer and just jump out the window i'm only on the fifth floor though...that doesn't guarentee injury i dotn' smoke...so that takes the element of fire out of the equation
Ninja M: ninja please. it doesn't gaurentee that you won't get hurt either
Ninja M: you know most office printers use toner right? its powder, not ink
Ninja T: damn
Ninja T: we have a 3 foot long paper cutter
Ninja M: well you are known for sticking your fingers into things that cut stuff to see what happens

Modest ninja is modest

Ninja S: see but when I talk outloud to myself when other people are watching, at least it's funny
Ninja M: yeah. but not everyone can be as awesome as you are
Ninja S: that's true, I've got some pretty lofty standards
Ninja M: ninja please i mean i certainly live up to them but mere mortals don't stand a chance
Ninja S: not even close we should have statues built
Ninja M: totally!
Ninja S: what do you think, solid gold?
Ninja M: i like it. with plenty of jewels. the more gaudy the better
Ninja S: that ought to put a big exclamation point on it

Sarcastic-Fu is the best kind of ninja fighting style

Ninja S: Are we that much of an intimidating force?
Ninja M: I guess so. But it's not like we are doing anything bad. Just making fun of each other and some slighty abuse
Ninja S: people must have weak stomachs
Ninja M: or lame responses
Ninja S: or a combination of both
Ninja M: i guess not everyone can be as witty as the three of us
Ninja S: it's a talent that few have I'm skilled in the art of Sarcastic-Fu
Ninja S: lol ninja please

Ninjas aren't lactose intolerant. They just refuse to take lactose's shit.

Ninja M: if you even got a dq blizzard without me...
Ninja A: ninja, please, i'm allergic. i'm listening to mc chris

Ninjas are not effective arguers. They are effective kick you in the face-ers.

Ninja A: So I may or may not have started a secret ninja blog
Ninja N: I'm confused. Is it a mockery of ninjas because you obviously couldn't cut it as a ninja? That could get you killed by a real ninja you know.
Ninja A: I am a ninja! It's ninja musings.
Ninja N: You are so not a ninja. It hurts how much of a non-ninja you are.
Ninja A: I will judo chop your face. Then we'll see who's a ninja. Fool.
Ninja N: You are way too emo to be a ninja. Does throwing the shuriken make you feel empty inside? Do you throw them at yourself so you can feel something, anything?
Ninja A: I hate you.
Ninja N: Whatever, I love you and you love me too.
Ninja A: Emo ninjas do not know love. Only pain.
Ninja N: You are just overanalyzing the meaning of love...I guess that's what happens when you're a crazy ass girl, huh?
Ninja A: NINJA.
Ninja N: Crazy ass. You are not ninja like, ninjaish, or even in the vicinity of ninja town. You are the opposite of ninja.
Ninja A: Ninja please. I am all the ninja you can handle. And then some.

Turn around bright eyes...there's a ninja behind you!

Ninja A: so tired
Ninja M: amen the misery
Ninja A: yes
Ninja M: the misery always comes first
Ninja A: this is true
Ninja M: sometimes during and always after
Ninja A: it's just all misery all the time
Ninja M: i want to open a radio station and have the tag line be "All misery, all the time"
Ninja A: lol, can i be the dj?
Ninja M: of course as long as we give "total eclispe of the heart" its due play time
Ninja A: ninja please you know i am the queen of sad bastard music

Holy Ninja!

Ninja M: im sorry
Ninja A: s'ok i want to be thinner
Ninja M: me too i have a plan
Ninja A: me too is not working
Ninja M: im going to die then i'll get thin
Ninja A: lmao
Ninja A: good call
Ninja M: and god wouldn't be so cruel as to make me fat in heaven
Ninja A: hahaha, you think you're going to heaven you're cute
Ninja M: ninja please

Ninjas know breakfast is the most important meal of the day.

Ninja M: you said you were in a fighting mood i think your short term memory is broken
Ninja J: i think your short term face is broken
Ninja M: your mom is broken
Ninja J: your moms face is broken
Ninja M: oh look at you being all creative with your comebacks...lame!
Ninja J: cuz your mom comeback was super original
Ninja M: more original than your face
Ninja J: as opposed to yours which looks like ASS
Ninja M: did you have a retard sandwich for breakfast because i know you can do better than that.
Ninja J: DId you have a bowl of lame ass comebacks for breakfast ? CUz your shit is weak
Ninja M: no i had wheaties. the breakfast of champions. which is more than i can say about you.
Ninja J: You can have a glass of shut the hell up
Ninja M: ninja, please. as long as you finish your glass of stupid juice

Ninjas are not good pickup artists.

Ninja J: allo allo lova
Ninja M: hiya
Ninja J: how was lunch
Ninja M: good. but now i'm sleepy again. how was your lunch?
Ninja J: good , ate and played cards
Ninja M: nice. what kind of cards?
Ninja J: We play asshole lol , its easy and fun
Ninja M: lol whenever we play that there is drinking involved
Ninja J: well I am at school and i have gotten good so we will play so i can get in your pants lol
Ninja M: ninja, please

Ninjas. They're everywhore

Ninja A: so MW, right some chick requested me as a friend, we have one mutual friend. it's him. her profile pic is of them and it says she's in a relationship. methinks this is not good
Ninja M: who is mw?
Ninja A: think HARD
Ninja M: i don't know!
Ninja A: think HARD about it
Ninja M: i don't know. i'm stuffed and i need a nap. don't play games with my head.
Ninja A: dude. i'm not. the guy from chicago MW
Ninja M: major wang?
Ninja A: monster lol
Ninja M: lol whatever
Ninja A: i was avoiding saying it, but yes lmao...that's so your new nickname
Ninja M: ninja please hates your face again

Ninjas need attention too

Ninja M: serbie took a break from cramming and talked to me the whole time. i feel special
Ninja A: dude. that's great but we are talking about ME RIGHT NOW
Ninja M: omg
Ninja A: what
Ninja M: speaking of talking about you so today is J's birthday
Ninja A: oh jesus christ ok
Ninja M: i sent him three cards
Ninja A: ninja, please this is not about me

Never lie to a ninja

Ninja A: i met this guy from MN he's from prior lake same as C.H. and J.
Ninja M: wow
Ninja A: yeah MN is a big state, what are the odds?
Ninja M: 1 in 750,423 roughly
Ninja A: lmao, really?
Ninja M: no fool! i have no idea
Ninja A: ninja please, i will bite your face

Irony. It's like a roundhouse kick to the face.

Ninja M - hi lady
how was your weekend?
Ninja A - good
Ninja M - good
Ninja A - i almost became a canadian citizen
Ninja M - lol whaT?
Ninja A - we went to canada and i didn't have my birth certificate and US border patrol threatened to send us back
Ninja M - lmao
Ninja A - i'm not kidding
the dude was being a dick
Ninja M - what an ass
Ninja A - he wasn't even american. irony.
Ninja M - i would have been all ninja please

The Shat will judo chop your face

Ninja A - seriously, who the fuck dreams about patrick stewart licking lip balm off their nipples? i'm really disturbed with my subconscious
Ninja M - that makes me laugh
hard
really. hard
Ninja A - fuck off
i'm worried about my mental well being and you're laughing at me
Ninja M - you would do the same for me
at least it wasn't the shat
Ninja A - what
Ninja M - william shatner
aka the shat
Ninja A - dude...no one calls him that
Ninja M - i do
i'm some one
Ninja A - why would you pick a nickname that has to do with the past tense of a bodily function? you are some one. someone. why am i always correcting the english major?
Ninja M - because i don't care when i'm online
Ninja A - ninja please, you talk dumb too.